I saw it advertised one day
Bear Mountain Picnic was comin´ my way
"Come along ´n´ take a trip
We´ll bring you up there on a ship
Bring the wife and kids
Bring the whole family."
Yippee

Well, I run right down ´n´ bought a ticket
To this Bear Mountain Picnic
But little did I realize
I was in for a picnic surprise
Had nothin´ to do with mountains
I didn´t even come close to a bear

Took the wife ´n´ kids down to the pier
Six thousand people there
Everybody had a ticket for the trip
"Oh well." I said, "it´s a pretty big ship
Besides, anyway, the more the merrier."

Well, we all got on ´n´ what d´ya think
That big old boat started t´ sink
More people kept a-pilin´ on
That old ship was a-slowly goin´ down
Maybe we just better call off the picnic

[Spoken Interlude]
No, the word there is, uh, instead of maybe better call off the picnic, it´s
Funny way t´ start a picnic

Well, I soon lost track of m´ kids ´n´ wife
So many people there I never saw in m´ life
That old ship sinkin´ down in the water
Six thousand people tryin´ t´ kill each other
Dogs a-barkin´, cats a-meowin´
Women a-screamin´, fists a-flyin´, babies cryin´
Cops a-comin´, me a-runnin´
Maybe we just better call off the picnic

I got shoved down ´n´ pushed around
All I could hear there was a screamin´ sound
Don´t remember one thing more
Just remember walkin´ up on a little shore
Head busted, stomach cracked
Feet splintered, I was bald, naked...
Quite lucky to be alive though

Feelin´ like I climbed outta m´ casket
I grabbed back hold of m´ picnic basket
Took the wife ´n´ kids ´n´ started home
Wishin´ I´d never got up that morn

Now, I don´t care just what you do
If you wanta have a picnic, that´s up t´ you
But don´t tell me about it, I don´t wanta hear it
´Cause, see, I just lost all m´ picnic spirit
Stay in m´ kitchen, have m´ own picnic´s there...
In the bedroom, In the bathroom

Now, it don´t seem to me quite so funny
What some people are gonna do f´r money
There´s a bran´ new gimmick every day
Just t´ take somebody´s money away
I think we oughta take some o´ these people
And put ´em on a boat, send ´em up to Bear Mountain
For a picnic