I was sittin´ on a stump down in New Orleans
I was feelin´ kinda low down, dirty an´ mean
Along come a fella and he didn´t even ask
He said, "I know of a woman who can fix you up fast."

Well I didn´t think twice, I just said like I should
"Let´s go find this lady who can do me some good."
We walked across Rampart on a sailin´ spree
And we come to a door called one-oh-three

I´s just about ready to give my little knock
When out comes a fella who couldn´t even walk
He´s linkin´ and a-slinkin´, couldn´t stand on his feet
And he moaned and he groaned and he shuffled down the street

Well, out of the door there comes another man
He couldn´t even talk and he couldn´t even stand
He moaned and he groaned and he shuffled his feet
And he slid slidin´ backwards down on Rampart street

Well, I peeked thru the key hole and comin´ down the hall
Was a long legged man who could hardly crawl
He had a terrible mean look in his eye
Like he´d just fall to burn, he´s was ready to die

Well somebody else with his hell of a miss
Fell out of the window and he fell the test
Well he slid and he slunk in broken french
And he looked like he´d been thru a monkey wrench

Well, by this time I was a-scared to knock
I was a-scared to move, I´s in a state of shock
I hummed a little tune and I shuffled my feet
And I started walkin´ backwards down Rampart street

Well, I got to the corner I tried my best smile
I turned around the corner and I ran a bloody mile
Man, I wasn´t around for to meet my wife
I´s just a-runnin´ for to save my life

Well, I´s coughin´ in my ears and wheezin´ in my chest
I musta run a mile in a minute or less
I tripped on a log and I flumped on a stump
I caught a fast freight train with a one-arm jump

So if you´re travellin´ down Louisiana way
And you´re feelin´ kinda lonesome and you need a place to stay
Man, you´re better off in your misery
Than to tackle that lady in one-oh-three